Stop gaining weight
So when I am thinking of my own weight gain, or someone asks me this question, my immediate thought is:
why are you afraid?
What do you think you are going to lose by gaining weight?
How will this detract from your life?
How will this make you less worthy?
How will this impair you?
And, equally –
How will being small help you?
How will your eating disorder serve you – and how has it served you in the past?
Has your life been better when you are thinner? Have you been happier?
Asking myself these questions has been pivotal to my weight gain journey.
In these moments, I realise:
- I was often unhappiest when I was thinnest
- the endless quest to being thin was a living nightmare, almost to the point of suicide
- My life does not improve when I am thinner
- Being thinner makes me miserable
- My life actually seems to get better when I am gaining weight
- If part of gaining weight is doing things that are against my ED – like finishing a meal full, enjoying food like pizza and pasta – then this is a good thing and it should continue
- The fear of weight gain is most likely an ED directed thought, and therefore I should move away from it.
While it sounds too simple to work, raising consciousness around these concepts has helped me move away from the ED mindset, ED behaviours and ED life – and as I want this for me, I want for you too .
If this resonates, leave a comment.